A rare and dangerous attempt at something lighter this week. I’d love to hear what you think!
Thanks to Madison again for the prompt. Hers and others can be found here: http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/flash-fiction/moths-at-the-drive-through/
“Green One to Green Leader. I have the target in my sights. Permission to fire, Sir?” Luke paused for a moment, then settled into a steady ack-ack-ack of machine gun fire.
“I think they are lovers,” said Mom. “The green one is the boy, trying to persuade the pretty but shy girl to date him.”
Jenna sighed. Her family were so predictable, like a TV show cliché. She stared at the window, willing it to open and the cashier inside to pass out their food before Dad chimed in. But it was too late.
“Do you want flies with that?”
For your further amusement and entertainment, Tim McGraw.
46 responses to “Friday Fictioneers – Drive-Thru”
This was a funny little tale indeed. I loved it. Went on the lighter side myself this week:
Thanks Jeffrey. I like how this picture has brought out the cheery in so many of us. Even over here on the Dark Side, I like a bit of humour once in a while!
lol. I liked the lighter side. It was sitcom cute. 🙂
My attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/05/24/chasing-the-divine/
thanks TheOthers. I was worried it was all a bit cliched, but it was what jumped out at me, and I need to exercise my funny bone occasionally.
Good one. I chuckled heartily at the last line. I hope you find mine equally amusing.
Thanks Russell, such praise from a master of humour means a lot to this rookie!
Oh, Elmo, how I want to use an expletive right now! What a great story and perfect last line. I’m still laughing, shaking my head and generally having a fit. I grew up in that family. Thanks for bringing them all back together again.
I was worried the family was a bit cliched, but I think most of us had that Dad, didn’t we?! I think I was at least as much Luke as Jenna though.
Nice little slice there. This prompt is bringing out a different style of response. 🙂
Isn’t it just, Sandra? DarkElmo didn’t even get a lookin today. I like the lighter side though.
I really enjoyed this. I can just visualize the young girl rolling her eyes and trying to disappear from sight – typical embaraassing family! Here’s mine: http://postcardfiction.com/2012/05/25/despite-your-intentions/
That’s what families are for though – I’ve got every intention of being an embarrassing Mum when my time comes!
That’s pretty funny. Much enjoyed.
I’m glad you enjoyed it.Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
Loved the family bonding while they wait for food. Thanks for your thoughts on my story!
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Great story, a little family slice of life. With a fun, funny ending.
My story is here: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/
The responses came to me pretty much in the order of the piece, but when I realised what the Dad would say, it just had to be the last line! Thanks for your kind comment, bridges.
Ha, I can imaging the embarrassment the girl is feeling. Nice family set up with a touch of moth millitancy. Good work. I am over here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/05/25/fridayfictioneers-preying-mantis/
I’m so glad people are enjoying it. I was worried you might all groan at me! Preying on yours shortly…
Oh my goodness, what a slice of American life. I loved it.
Mine is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/05/24/flight-path/
Thanks Erin – I’m afriad it’s similar to English life too!
Families are families the world around, so it seems.
haha, that definitely pulled a little giggle from me this morning, well done. mine is here http://craftytara.wordpress.com/2012/05/24/hope-2/
Thanks, Tara. Glad to make you smile. Coming to see you now!
Okay where’s the camera? This sounds exactly like something that happens in my family all the time!
LOL tesch – I’m not telling you where the camera’s hidden or I’ll lose my best source of material
As I started to read this, I went through a few different ideas of what it was before I figured it out. First, I thought it was a board game. Then, a military operation. Then I figured out it was a video game.
The second paragraph confused me a bit. I went between whether she was referring to the game or not. Still a bit unclear about the whole thing, but I loved Jenna complaining about her family.
You imagination is obviously more vivid than mine, littlewonder. I was going for a conversation in a car at the drive thru.
Luke is the little son, and to him the moths invoke the idea of two fighter jets, so he pretends to be the pilot of the green fighter (ie moth), locking guns on the brown one in a dog fight. Mom has a more romantic interpretation of their presence together on the McDonald’s window. Jenna (Luke’s big sister) finds the whole thing completely embarrassing. And Dad, being a dad and therefore the master of terrible jokes, goes for the bad pun! The story relies heavily on the picture though, becuase I didn’t have space to describe what they were seeing.
I thought this was funny, but then I wasn’t certain. I was imagining the moths as tiny vessels filled with machine gunners – especially since the Dad’s comment was “too late” I figured he just had time to say this charming pun before he was killed.
Evidently, I am looking at your story from an upside down angle…
Still, I am yours as ever,
And here I am for those who have not stopped by yet:
Have a look at my reply to Littlewonder above if you want to know what I intended. I guess you have to have grown up in this kind of family!
LOL, the punster. Loved the last line. 🙂
Here’s mine: http://siobhanmuir.blogspot.com/2012/05/moths-date-100words-for.html
Thanks siobhan. I am pleased (or embarrassed) that nobody else has gone in this direction. Well done fictioneers!
I liked the last line (I possess a fair amount of cheese myself). If I could change one thing it would be the word “assistant”—although, maybe the girl is trapped in a mental institution? 😀 (And Luke was right on target, LOL.)
Good point, Stacey (not about the mental institution, although McD’s is arguably both mental and an institution!) but assistant is a weak word for the drive-thru worker. Server, maybe?
After consultation, I’ve changed it to cashier. Thanks Stacey, let me know what you think!
Cute. Really well-executed scene (although I’m not surprised). I’m happy to say I’ve returned to the land of the blogging this week and glad I made it to yours 🙂
Mine’s here! http://thecolorlime.wordpress.com/2012/05/25/landing-98/
“Do you want flies with that?”
Here’s mine: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/05/25/mothballs/
Sometimes the worst jokes are the best! Thanks Kwadwo.
Nice family story, all the randomness of one unit all stuck together in a car. I can never forget the family road trip… You bring it out in such a great way with Jenna’s sense of superiority. She must be the older “wiser” sibling. I love it. Mine is over here: http://remakingme-atiyatownes.blogspot.com/2012/05/friday-flash-fiction-best-hubby-ever.html
Thanks Atiya. Yeah, Jenna originally had a whole paragraph of teenage scathingness, but it disappeared in the cut. She still feels embarrassed and superior though!
Hi Elmo…Wow…you blew me away. I ‘m glad you explained everything to LittleWonder2 because I had a different take on your story…also thought it was a video game. Clever/different/original work on the prompt. Here’s mine:
Sorry for my lack of clarity, Lora. I’m going to have to read it through again and look for this video game version. Sounds fun! Thanks for stopping by.
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