Friday Fiction – Opportunity Knocks

It’s Friday again! Time for a bit of Friday Fiction, courtesy of Madison Woods. Do take a look at her page if you’d like to see a huge variety of other interpretations of the picture prompt below. I was feeling philosophical today, so here’s my take on the picture. Not so much a story as a moment in time. I’d love to hear what you think.

Opportunity Knocks

Forbidden fruit, nestled among spiky vines, they glow red and bulbous, fit to burst with sweet juice, which makes me salivate at the very thought. Like so many chances, they exist in this idyllic state for only a single moment. Yesterday, they were not quite ripe. Tomorrow they will be gone, stolen away by eager beaks, claws or my siblings’ hands. Or mother will have sullied them with permissibility – with sugar, pectin, or the heat of an oven and a crumble topping.

Only today can I be sure of the perfect delight of a stolen raspberry, straight from the bush.

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33 Comments

Filed under Friday Fiction, Writing

33 responses to “Friday Fiction – Opportunity Knocks

  1. Dear Jen,

    Your moment in time sounds like it could be the beginning of an alternate holy book. Expelled from the Garden for partaking of Raspberry of Knowledge.

    I like the tone and timbre and the way your blade cut that slice of time. Good enough to eat.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/06/28/486/

  2. I really like the part about the mother sullying them. The idea that baking the berries into a sweet treat sullies them is somehow humorous to me. This piece had a beautiful flow to it and captured the moment wonderfully.

    Mine: http://adamickes.wordpress.com/2012/06/29/berry-tester/

    • Thanks, Adam. That was where the idea started for me – delicious as raspberries are for dessert, it’s never quite the same as picking one straight from the cane, is it?

  3. Your pacing is like the tinkling of piano keys. lovely.

  4. Hi Jennifer,
    Yes, stolen berries, watermelons, etc., do taste sweeter because of the forbidden nature. I could really relate to your story. Blackberry picking was good here earlier this month and we were eating cobblers every night. Now we have had record heat and no rain for weeks. No more wild blackberries this year. My story is here: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/

    • mmm… wild blackberries. I do love fruit, stolen or otherwise, and your early summer sounds idyllic. Not sure about the soaring temps though, I’m hiding indoors with the aircon!

  5. rgayer55

    It made me hungry, and I don’t even care for raspberries. Another gem I gleaned from the story was the here today, gone tomorrow thought, which applies to a lot more than fruit. Each day has it’s treasures that will not be available tomorrow. Thanks for reminding me of that truth.

    thanks for the nice comment on mine. Here’s the link for others who might want a history lesson. http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

    • I thought I’d have another go with description today, so I’m delighted it made you hungry, Ron. And hungry for grasping chances too. But what? You don’t like raspberries?! All the more for me!

  6. “sullied them with permissibility” – I love that line!

    Mine is here: http://wp.me/p1Wqon-bl

  7. Wow—intense language today! I loved that they were sullied with “the heat of an oven and a crumble topping.”

    Possible improvement? I would suggest using a description word with “salivate” (salivate wildly etc.) since everything else in that sentence has one (“forbidden fruit” “spiky vines” “red and bulbous” “sweet juice”).

    Random opinion? I am (internally) debating about the last line—it feels like the writer’s projection, rather than the narrator’s thought. For a little kid to revel in the fact that it’s stolen is odd (unless British kids are much more aware of that than I ever was 🙂 ), but if he’s reflecting as an adult then it makes sense. And if he’s aware that it is “stolen” I’m curious to know what makes it stolen? If his mother is making pies from the same bushes, presumably he has general permission to eat from them. To me, he sounded a little like a serial killer in the making— creepy! 😀

    • Thanks Stacey. I’m going to have to think about that adverb for salivate – it’s already such an OTT word for me, but I take your point about structure.
      As for stolen fruit – were you never told as a child “Don’t take these, we’re saving them for lunch tomorrow”? The narrator isn’t so young as to be unaware of the allure of the forbidden! AND he knows that his siblings will probably give in to temptation even if he doesn’t!

      • Ah, the ol’ “gotta get it first” syndrome. I think I was given those directions, LOL, but the fruit was always in the kitchen by then. 🙂

  8. Forbidden fruits can be dangerous and then again, the delights of nature, or anything in its natural form is irresistible. Good show. Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/06/29/fridayfictioneers-seduction/

  9. SAM

    I don’t care for raspberries, but I found myself craving one at the end. That’s some good writing!!

    My piece is here: http://frommywriteside.wordpress.com/2012/06/29/in-time-feed/

  10. Ooh, I liked this! Nothing like fruit “straight from the bush”. (I liked the sound of that crumble, though.) My story’s on the list.

  11. Very nice. And the title is a great summary.

    Jennifer, I think I might have called you Elmo once, not sure, but I almost did just now 🙂 Then I realized, your name’s on the link.

  12. Jen, I liked the metaphorical prose, especially “Like so many chances, they exist in this idyllic state for only a single moment.” Very nice.

  13. Dear Elmo, I must confess I was on a whole other level reading this one; I know you didn’t mean it to be so – however with only a couple of word changes I should be convinced otherwise – but the sensuality just oozed through it. Well done on all levels.

    http://pmaoaudioblog.wordpress.com/2012/06/29/friday-fictioneers-a-tragedy/

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