Friday Fiction – Breakout

It’s Friday again! And this is my 99th post, so I’m in a celebratory mood. I’ll have to think up something exciting and hundred-worthy to say on Monday. Watch this space!

In the meantime, here is the picture from Madison’s blog, courtesy this week of Amanda Grey. I hope you like what I did with it – sorry, probably a bit of artistic licence taken on the geography.


He’d been running for hours. The moor was undulating and rough – he’d already caught his feet in any number of rabbit holes, but none big enough to hide the box he carried, let alone his weary body.

The rundown shack glowed red in the light of the setting sun. Momentarily, it seemed his salvation, but he knew it was a trap. Standing proud and bold on the empty landscape, it would beckon his pursuers – the most obvious place to run. The box shifted in his hands. He couldn’t afford to stop. He turned and ran, towards the burning horizon.



Filed under Friday Fiction, Writing

35 responses to “Friday Fiction – Breakout

  1. OOOH what’s in the box!

  2. EmmaMc

    Same as Craig… what’s in the box? Who is he running from? Questions, questions!

    • Yeah sorry, bit of a mystery this one. I had more (not much more, but a little) in the longer version, but I had to cut it back to 100 words. I almost took out the box entirely, but it was too good to lose!

  3. Very enticing. I want to know what’s in the box that caused it to shift… I got a real ‘end of the day’ sense from this piece. Nice one.

  4. Congrats on 99! Will definitely watch for #100.

    I love how the image works as a desert and a moor. 😀

    I loved “The rundown shack glowed red in the light of the setting sun.”

    I also wanted to know what was in the box. 🙂

  5. Lovely piece of writing with so many unanswered questions – the box (loved that), who he’s running from, will he manage to hide, do we want him to.

    I’m here if you fancy a read:

  6. Gripping!
    This has the potential to become a very interesting longer story. I hope you pursue the chain of thought till its end! 🙂


  7. Russell

    You’ve certainly peaked our curiosity and have the entire readership crying for more. Congrats on #99. I too am looking forward to your next post.

  8. Really loved this! This was my first ever Fiction Friday and I had to read yours also since we are both Jennifers. (The Jennifer Sisterhood!) Well written and thanks for sharing it! (I’m #11 this week, btw)

  9. The mystery of the content of that box is what heightens the tension.
    I’m guessing he’s carrying the Rabbit’s Foot (from Mission Impossible 3).

  10. Hi Jennifer,
    I liked the way you used the box as a plot device yet kept mysterious what was in it. Very effective pursuit story and I felt concern for your protagonist. Thanks for reading and commenting on my story.

  11. TheOthers1

    Oh!! This sounds really interesting. Smart not heading to the adobe. He’d be a sitting duck. Like!

  12. I hope he and the mysterious box make a successful escape. At least I think I do, could be someone and something sinister as well…..

  13. You set up such believable intrigue with this — no gimmicks really, just a box with a mystery inside. I could see him racing across the field, nothing overwrought, just easy to see. Nice!

  14. Oh so many questions…what is he running from? Very intriguing and well done. Thanks for stopping by mine

  15. Mysterious box for the WIN. Great job!

  16. Great story. I agree that this one could be developed into a longer short story. I love how you used this prompt and it was written with the right amount of pace. Well done.

  17. egnkwanamamrai1973

    Reblogged this on Sarah Gomez Post.

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