It’s Friday again and I’m sitting in my NEW HOUSE watching the cats trying to get used to all the strange sights and smells. They are coping admirably and already trying to get the closets open!
Today’s photo on Madison’s site comes from Sandra Crook, a great writer and regular fictioneer. Do check out her story, and the others linked from Madison’s page. Mine is below, not terribly original I’m afraid – the Muse says she needs sleep and stability to function at her best. And I can’t tell you the end of the story, because I ran out of words! Still, I’d appreciate your thoughts and comments on it.
Stop back next week for my entries into Voice Week – one a day Monday-Friday!
Gate to Nowhere
“Do it,”
“It’s just some old Chinese sculpture. The gate to nowhere.” Al tried to make the quiver in his voice sound like sarcasm.
“So do it. Like you said, it’s just a sculpture, right?”
“Right.” Except the air seemed to shimmer between the gateposts. And even the squirrels seemed to avoid going through.
“I knew it. You’re scared.” Billy stepped forward. “Scaredy scaredy scaredy!”
“What’s it matter anyway?”
“Matters if you’re scared. Matters if I tell Mabel Pritchard you’re too pussy to walk through a gate.”
Al pushed ahead of his brother, closed his eyes and took a step.
elmowrites 
Oh the inevitable stand-off between male siblings, hey? I liked that idea of something shimmering in the gateway – very evocative. Nice work, and I’d love to know what happens.
Thanks Sandra – I wanted to tell what happened next, but on the other hand, maybe it’s better left to imagination. Is Al just imagining the dangers, or are they real???
Drat! Just what I wanted to say. The conversation rings true.
Thank you, tea. I really enjoyed yours
Nice! Unlike your muse, mine is not talking to me this week. I like how far you were able to take this. Even the squirrels were avoiding going through the arch so why can’t boys take a hint? And do we ever grow up.
Thanks, Paul. Yeah, sleepy muses are never good. I wish I could have done more with this prompt, but I’m glad the boys got you wondering.
Makes me wonder if all knows something that his stupid brother doesn’t? You captured the angst, peer pressure, and frustration of adolescence perfectly here! Reminds me of many of my own experiences! Nine times out of ten, my hesitation was justified! 🙂
Nice story – and congrats on the new house!
John
You are too kind – I’m glad this was a reminder for you. Peer pressure is a funny thing, but on the other hand maybe Al is just a coward… who knows?
I love the imagery of the shimmering air and scared squirrels.
Do we need more of an ending than Al plucking up the courage to go through? It leaves us to imagine what happened next. 🙂
thanks for your comment, Sarah Ann. I’m pleased you liked the ending as it stands – I’m wondering whether you imagine his fear is justified or not.
This makes me want to know more. Good job!
Delighted you liked it, KD.
I thought you did well, Jennifer. As John said, you capture a lot of things here. The shimmering definitely got my attention.
Thanks for your comment, Russell. I feel this worked better for the readers than the writer – which is much better than the other way around!
Hi Jen,
Good story fueled by sibling rivalry. I’d be scared too of walking through a shimmering portal. Ron
I think a lot of us have a bit of Al inside, Ron. You don’t see Billy marchign through the gate, do you?
Oh, you didn’t not finish–you finished beautifully! I almost didn’t add the last paragraph of mine. Perhaps it would have been better that way.
Here it is: http://wrasselings.blogspot.com/2012/09/friday-fictioneers-gateway.html
Hurray, Cindy! So glad you liked the ending as it was! I’ll pop by yours now.
Good old sibling rivalry at its best and I hope something great happens when he steps through.
I am number 44 this week
Thanks for stopping by and for your kind comment, Yaral. I haven’t done a great job of reading yet this week – too many boxes to unpack – but hopefully I’ll get to yours soon.
Your welcome and yes when you are still unpacking it is difficult to get around to things =)
Very cool. What’s on the other side? I like that your characters are brothers. There’s always competition there.
It’s an easy motif, but I thought brothers worked well for the story – gives lots of history without much exposition. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
I will not enter where squirrels fear to tread. My imagination was left with all kinds of ideas of the boys fate. Nicely done!
Thanks Turnip, I think I’d be suspicious if the squirrels avoided it too.
I raised three sons. I could see these two nattering and daring. I’d like to know what happens next. Always leave them wanting more. Good job, Jen.
Thanks Rochelle – I’ve got son #1 on the way, so I feel like i’ve got all this fun to look forward to!
nothing like fear of being a coward to spur a boy to be reckless, good story
Boy or girl – peer pressure and its relations are powerful motivators!
How will he explain to Mabel why her suitor is … gone?
Good Job!
Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/
Scott
Ah, I don’t think Mabel will care much. She’s probably got a few boys to choose from!! Thanks Scott
i hope All crossed his fingers.
haha, maybe Rich, or maybe Billy would have mocked him for that too. Brothers are such menaces!
Makes me wonder whether Al and mabel will ever get lucky together or whether Billy will no longer have a brother in this life. Jen, you did well for a woman growing a son in a new house and wrestling with cats for dominance.
Aloha,
Doug
Thanks, Doug, I try my best and I hate missing a friday, it makes me feel incomplete!