Friday Fiction – Gate To Nowhere

It’s Friday again and I’m sitting in my NEW HOUSE watching the cats trying to get used to all the strange sights and smells. They are coping admirably and already trying to get the closets open!

Today’s photo on Madison’s site comes from Sandra Crook, a great writer and regular fictioneer. Do check out her story, and the others linked from Madison’s page. Mine is below, not terribly original I’m afraid – the Muse says she needs sleep and stability to function at her best. And I can’t tell you the end of the story, because I ran out of words! Still, I’d appreciate your thoughts and comments on it.

Stop back next week for my entries into Voice Week – one a day Monday-Friday!

Gate to Nowhere

“Do it,”

“It’s just some old Chinese sculpture. The gate to nowhere.” Al tried to make the quiver in his voice sound like sarcasm.

“So do it. Like you said, it’s just a sculpture, right?”

“Right.” Except the air seemed to shimmer between the gateposts. And even the squirrels seemed to avoid going through.

“I knew it. You’re scared.” Billy stepped forward. “Scaredy scaredy scaredy!”

“What’s it matter anyway?”

“Matters if you’re scared. Matters if I tell Mabel Pritchard you’re too pussy to walk through a gate.”

Al pushed ahead of his brother, closed his eyes and took a step.

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35 Comments

Filed under Friday Fiction, Writing

35 responses to “Friday Fiction – Gate To Nowhere

  1. Oh the inevitable stand-off between male siblings, hey? I liked that idea of something shimmering in the gateway – very evocative. Nice work, and I’d love to know what happens.

  2. Nice! Unlike your muse, mine is not talking to me this week. I like how far you were able to take this. Even the squirrels were avoiding going through the arch so why can’t boys take a hint? And do we ever grow up.

  3. John Hardy Bell

    Makes me wonder if all knows something that his stupid brother doesn’t? You captured the angst, peer pressure, and frustration of adolescence perfectly here! Reminds me of many of my own experiences! Nine times out of ten, my hesitation was justified! 🙂

    Nice story – and congrats on the new house!

    John

  4. I love the imagery of the shimmering air and scared squirrels.
    Do we need more of an ending than Al plucking up the courage to go through? It leaves us to imagine what happened next. 🙂

  5. This makes me want to know more. Good job!

  6. Russell

    I thought you did well, Jennifer. As John said, you capture a lot of things here. The shimmering definitely got my attention.

  7. Hi Jen,
    Good story fueled by sibling rivalry. I’d be scared too of walking through a shimmering portal. Ron

  8. Oh, you didn’t not finish–you finished beautifully! I almost didn’t add the last paragraph of mine. Perhaps it would have been better that way.

    Here it is: http://wrasselings.blogspot.com/2012/09/friday-fictioneers-gateway.html

  9. Good old sibling rivalry at its best and I hope something great happens when he steps through.
    I am number 44 this week

  10. Very cool. What’s on the other side? I like that your characters are brothers. There’s always competition there.

  11. I will not enter where squirrels fear to tread. My imagination was left with all kinds of ideas of the boys fate. Nicely done!

  12. I raised three sons. I could see these two nattering and daring. I’d like to know what happens next. Always leave them wanting more. Good job, Jen.

  13. nothing like fear of being a coward to spur a boy to be reckless, good story

  14. How will he explain to Mabel why her suitor is … gone?
    Good Job!
    Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/
    Scott

  15. i hope All crossed his fingers.

  16. Makes me wonder whether Al and mabel will ever get lucky together or whether Billy will no longer have a brother in this life. Jen, you did well for a woman growing a son in a new house and wrestling with cats for dominance.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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