Voice Week #3

In the third part of my Voice Week submissions, here is another possible version of A Mother’s Legacy. Check out Monday’s post for Version 1 and an explanation of the project, then yesterday’s for Version 2. Today I’m stepping outside the main characters, and trying a different tone. As ever, I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments.

 

A Mother’s Legacy [The Spider]

Humanity bustles through, oblivious. They only ever notice us if they smash through our homes, tearing each carefully woven strand from its anchor point. Then they notice, oh yes. But they notice only their fear.

He’s the same. But she is different. Like me, she has given her all for her children and when she sees my creation, we are one for a moment. Then he speaks: “Come on, Mum. Let’s get you to the shore now.”

And she is no longer the proud and strong spider, but the terrified fly, caught in his snare and unable to break free.

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25 Comments

Filed under Voice Week, Writing

25 responses to “Voice Week #3

  1. Pingback: Voice Week #3 | elmowrites « Voice Week HQ

  2. The spider’s perspective! Genius! “We are one for a moment” is my favorite part, I think.

    • This might be my least favourite of the voices. I wasn’t sure whether she ended up being too sympathetic at the end, and whether there was enough time for her angst to really show through. Might fiddle with it later!

  3. that’s an observant spider 🙂 Very perceptive

  4. Today’s voice has given me a whole new perspective.
    The voice of the ‘Black Widow’ tells me so much about the mum. How she’s gone from someone proud & strong to someone terrified – possibly fear of her impending death.

  5. KP

    Mother is inspired by the spider – but … this is her son, she feels trapped

  6. Way to break away from expectations! I would never have expected the personified voice of the spider I had admired in Voice 2, but it worked really well. The observations of an impartial, inhuman source.

  7. Cool experiment!
    Thoughts in a nutshell—
    I didn’t catch on that the child in #1 was male until I read #2 (probably my own bias).
    #2 was a little freaky. It felt like the daughter-in-law had taken over the son’s life and he might be on his way to killing the mother because of it. But because I had already read #1, that altered my reading completely and made it feel like she probably wasn’t suffering from cancer (etc.), but a mental illness, and these were “crazy” thoughts.
    #3 was my favourite so far (love a spider’s eye(s) view). I did think the spider was quite intuitive when it came to reading the “human” situation. I think it works as a standalone piece/narrator, but coupled with the others, it seemed a little too spot on.
    Can’t wait to see who #4 and #5 are (baby spiders? a nearby caterpillar? the web? the daughter-in-law?).
    [This is kind of a side note, but the voices seem fairly similar, it’s the viewpoints that you’ve managed to make vastly different.]

    • hi Stacey, thanks for the long thoughtful comment. I admit I interpreted the challenge more in the POV than the voces, although hopefully there are some differences in tone too. See what you think about 4 & 5 (The web, now that would have been out of the box!)
      The five versions are not necessarily meant to all be simultaneously true, although I think these three could be. And yes, I’m not entirely sure whether Mum is crazy and deluded or the son / daughter in law are genuinely bad either!

  8. I loved the last sentence, how you wrapped it all up in that image. This is a great pov, my favourite of yours so far…

  9. I love the spider’s take on things. Another brilliant voice.

  10. Like you, this is my least favorite voice. Not because it is poorly written, on the contrary. But because the other two- or three, actually- were so pitch perfect. Yet, who am I to criticize the thoughts of a spider. This might be exactly what a spider sounds like! I did enjoy the line ” we are one for a moment.”

  11. TheOthers1

    Am I still wrong to feel like the son feels sinister or is it again the Mother perceiving things that way? It’s like when a son takes a wife and mom feels like the daughter in law influences him against her. My mom and sister in law are a good example of that.

    • This voice certainly fits best with Mum’s – the spider sees her as trapped by the sinister son. But it’s just one interpretation as you’ll see from the rest of the week

  12. Love this line – “They only ever notice us if they smash through our homes, tearing each carefully woven strand from its anchor point.”
    Very complicated web of emotions.

  13. Whew, this just looks worse and worse for the son as these stories go on! I like the cold perspective of the spider though, and the description of the webs

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