Voice Week #4

In part 4 of my Voice Week submissions, I’ve stepped right outside my comfort zone and tried to give you something different from my normal fiction style. I’m not sure I could sustain it for a longer story, but it was definitely interesting to try for 100 words. You can see the original story and an explanation of Voice Week on monday’s post, then a couple of more normal versions of the story on Tuesday and yesterday’s posts. Please note – the various versions are not all supposed to be simultaneously true; they are different possibilities stemming out of the first story.

Thursday’s Submissions suggestions / Inspiration Mondays posts will be resumed next week.

Legacy

Clearance of properties in the Region Of Redevelopment proceeds with substantial success. Most inhabitants have been dispatched according to classification.

Pockets of resistance remain. At Building 785 gunfire has been intermittent. At 20:00 hours, two individuals were seen escaping into the forest in the direction of the lake. One adult male is believed to have returned to Building 785.

A boat was observed at 21:00 hours carrying a lone elderly female away from shore. Regrettably our tracking beacons were unable to intercept the vessel, which is believed to have escaped into enemy territory.

Final clearance is anticipated within 24 hours.

 

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18 Comments

Filed under Voice Week, Writing

18 responses to “Voice Week #4

  1. Now your story is taking on layers. I like! Very ominous tones with “Most inhabitants have been dispatched according to classification.” Only two words bothered me in this clever take. I believe whatever group was responsible for the genocide would have more complex words for “lake’ and “boat”. Vessel works, but I have no suggestion for “lake”. Can’t wait to hear tomorrow’s voice.

    • Thanks for the feedback, Paul. I agreea bout lake and boat, possibly forest too. Some work to do on this voice – it’s a way outside my usual range, so I need to polish, it seems!

  2. KP

    A complete rethink on the story so far. You have introduce a dark element which has put a whole new twist. I like the emotionless voice, very 1984, very Fahrenheit 451.

    • Thanks KP, this is a more literal interpretation of the first story – the son is helping his mum get to the real shore to escape a real danger. I’m glad you liked the voice/

  3. Very cool progression. I’m still curious about how this most current one is going to play out!

    • Thanks for stopping by; tomorrow’s voice is a different version, but hopefully you at least get the hope that Mum escapes in this version. Her son has done all he can.

  4. TheOthers1

    Now this gives a totally different perspective of the story all together. It took on a tone that gives a broader picture of what’s really going on.

  5. This new, almost impersonal voice, gives the whole story a different perspective. This authoritarian voice has definitely added menace to the whole story.
    Looking forward to day 5.

  6. Pingback: Voice Week #4 | elmowrites « Voice Week HQ

  7. I like the look of different possibilities, alternate worlds. This one is so clinical, military.

  8. Very journalistic.. or perhaps a spy’s report?
    Interesting piece! Could make a suspense thriller!

  9. I didn’t see this going sci-fi, but you definitely managed it well. The summary-report style voice was a nice touch, and makes the whole project horribly indifferent and mechanical. I won’t say these are getting better as they go along, because they’re all good, but they’re definitely getting more sharply turned

    • For sure – this is hardly my usual fare, but then I figured that’s what projects like voice week are about, right? and I didn’t even see it as sci-fi, I was still firmly on earth with a military clearance a la pogroms and genocide. But your interpretation works too.

  10. Interesting and very welcome twist! The switch of voice, even apart from the turn of events, is particularly well done and brings a change of rhythm and feel that only helps the entire story.

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