Voice Week #5

In the final part of my Voice Week exercise, below is another possibility for the story which began as A Mother’s Legacy. You can see all the other versions of this story, and read about Voice Week as a project, on Monday-Thursday’s posts. Again, I’ve tried to break my own mold a bit with today’s version, going right outside they world I know.

If you’re looking for Friday Fiction, go to the next blogpost, Friday Fiction – The Rebellion. Either way, I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments about this piece, which started life from a Fictioneers’ prompt a few weeks ago.

Legacy

They came from us and so they must all eventually return. For we are All that is and ever shall be.

She walks bent; her human body no longer of value. She will shed it at the shore.

He still clings to his form and, in doing so, clings to hers. He senses, but does not understand. He knows that he must let her go, but wishes she could remain.

He leads her, tenderly, to the water’s edge.

She hesitates, clinging to the last tendrils of experience. For the All feels nothing, hears nothing, knows nothing. And yet, is everything.

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18 Comments

Filed under Voice Week, Writing

18 responses to “Voice Week #5

  1. TheOthers1

    What an alien voice. Like the perspective though. Curious who the All is.

    • The All is supposed to be a version of the Supreme Being – one in which souls are united after death. God-like, but not in the sense of any major recognised religion.
      I thought it would be good to get right away from any “normal” narrative voice for the final entry!

  2. Very Zen – I’d guess you mean Nirvana by “All”? I love the more tender view of the son. This fifth piece really pulls them all together and gives us a sense of the big picture – fitting! Great work all week!

  3. Pingback: Voice Week #5 | elmowrites « Voice Week HQ

  4. it feels god-like. An overseeing presence that controls the patterns and energy of form…or something equally cool 😉

  5. That final line sent shiver down my spin. Wonderful work!

  6. A great end to the week.
    Loved the imagery you created in her final trip to the shore where it will end (or maybe just begin) when she sheds her human body.

  7. You ended it very well… love the spiritual touch of this piece. This one’s my favourite!

  8. KP

    The Great Spirit watches and waits for earthly life to run its course – soon.
    Captured beautifully. I like this one.
    Great week, I enjoyed your pieces. Thanks

  9. Ah, really nice – reminds me a bit of certain ideas in Hinduism, but I especially like the line about him clinging to his body / clinging to hers (nice layers of meaning in that). Great job with these all week!

    • As ever, religious reference brings out the differences in commentors. This piece wasn’t supposed to be a particular faith, but I’m pleased how different people have seen aspects of different belief systems within it. Blogging controversial stories is hopefully making me more inclined to put these aspects into my other writing too.

  10. Just getting around to reading this, and now I regret not doing it sooner. I really liked the authority of the fourth voice, and how it presented a much larger story around these two. And then when contrasted with the soothing last piece, (an even larger story around it all) it felt balanced.

    The black widow comment in the first one spun me a bit, but since his mother said it, I assumed it to be a new wife. Ha!

    Great writing all around.

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