Inspiration Monday – Back in the saddle

 

Thanks for bearing with me during my break. I’m hoping to slide back into frequent postings as Sebastian and I settle into our new life together, and I thought I’d start with a contribution to Inspiration Monday this week. It’s not my favourite piece – I am slightly dissatisfied with it as it stands, and if I have chance over the day I might come back and tweak it (or start all over again), but I wanted to get something put up, so here’s the first draft.

As ever, I’d love to hear what you think – good or bad.

The End of the World

The sky was bright and amber, the setting sun glowing  like a blazing fire consuming the city. It reflected in office windows and blinded commuters on the freeway. To Owen, lifting his head briefly from the latest comic to land in his mailbox, it looked like the end of the world, and he glanced over his shoulder to look for the alien spacecraft bringing forth the apocalypse.

But there were no aliens, and the world was no more ending today than it had any other autumn evening in the age of mankind. The world would keep turning and the sun would keep burning and comics would keep arriving as long as there was money in his father’s account to pay the subscriptions.

Distracted now from his fantasies, he stood up and walked over to the armchair where his father’s body lay slumped, as though he had just fallen asleep after a long argument with his son.

“I’ll have to move you eventually, Dad. I need that space for when the back copies of 2000 AD arrive.”

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8 Comments

Filed under Inspiration Monday, Writing

8 responses to “Inspiration Monday – Back in the saddle

  1. I quite like this, actually. I don’t know why you don’t. It feels like something Ray Bradbury would write. I might cut the words “glowing” and “blazing” from the first sentence, but otherwise loved it!

    • You’ve lived up to your name, bekind – thanks for the kind words. Re-reading now, I still find a few bits I’m not satisfied with, not least the rather oblique relevance to the prompt and I wonder if it’s clear enough what’s going on. I agree with your suggested cuts too.

      • Relevance to the prompt is, well, irrelevant. The prompt’s only purpose is to prompt, it needn’t be the center of the story. : )

        As to clarity, his father is dead, yes? I’m curious as to whether he died of natural causes or (horror) Owen killed him. A hint one way or the other might help, but I wouldn’t state it outright.

  2. Pingback: Inspiration Monday: tissue paper skin « BeKindRewrite

  3. oscarjamieson

    Well written, a nice allusion to a different interpretation. Great job!

  4. KP

    I’m itching to know more about has has happened, or is about to happen …
    I agree, ‘ … the setting sun, like a fire consuming the city.’
    I imagine a scene like Nero watching as Rome burned, this boy seems to have the same malaise. Well done.

    • Thank you, KP, I agree with the rewrite too – much smoother. I like the idea of Nero watching Rome burn. Sadly for Owen, the end of the world is probably coming a different way.

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