Friday Fiction – A Different Journey

It’s FF time and the photo from Claire Fuller which inspires us today is gorgeous. I’m a big fan of old churches and this one reminds me of the Norman church in the village where I grew up. I could happily stare at it all day.

But that wouldn’t get the story written! Head over to Rochelle’s masterpage if you’d like to see what other Fictioneers came up with. As always, your comments are welcome and constructive criticism is actively encouraged.

church_and_tree-claire-fuller

A Different Journey

Misty’s mother pulled the dress slowly over Misty’s head – careful not to disturb a single perfect curl. Tears welled in her eyes as she looked at her little girl: all grown up and moving on.

In the distance, the church bell chimed noon. The car would be here soon. They’d always expected she’d be married there – a nice boy, a traditional ceremony, a sunny day. Rain slashed the windows today, but it seemed only right for sending her on a different journey.

“She’ll be happy with Him,” said Dad, his voice quiet and croaky. “Until we’re ready to join her.”

46 Comments

Filed under Friday Fiction, Writing

46 responses to “Friday Fiction – A Different Journey

  1. A really heart-wrenching twist. 😦

  2. Sometimes you amaze me with the breadth of genre you are prepared to write in (I think I said the same thing or similar last week actually.) I’m not very comfortable with the sentiment here, but you’ve handled this really well.

    • Thank you, Sandra. Although I don’t share their viewpoint, I can understand the attraction of any crumb of comfort faith could offer at a time like this, and that’s what I tried to convey – not that the parents are happy, but that they are clinging to those crumbs.

  3. kz

    really heartbreaking. the ending took me by surprise. wonderfully done.

  4. Helena Hann-Basquiat

    Churches, weddings and funerals. The phrase “all grown up and moving on” was perfect doublespeak, darling.

  5. That was very good, with such an unexpected twist. I was so shocked when I reached the end I re-read it from the middle on to make sure the poor daughter really had passed away.
    I love how it all still works as a wedding until the words “different journey”. Then the final sentence seals it.
    Amazing how you got all of that into so few words.

  6. Oh did not see that coming! Excellent! 😀

  7. Is ‘Him’ God? Depressing but well written.

  8. Extremely clever writing. My suspicions were aroused by the rain, and confirmed by her father’s words. A strong idea, executed well.

    It is great to learn about this genre from reading your work.

  9. Jennifer, this was a masterful and sad tale. I actually got tears in my eyes, and the end with the mourning father concluded it so well.
    Tack så mycket
    Björn

  10. Lyn

    Aww, what a sad story. But so wonderfully written.

  11. YeeeeeIKES! What a twist at the end. Weddings and deaths, both a beginning and ending of sorts, both connected to the church. Well-written.

  12. That was beautifully sad. Churches are the scene for such happy and sad events both.

  13. Dear Jen,

    A tragic tale well told. As a parent, this is difficult to read, but I’m glad that I did.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

  14. Dear Jennifer,

    Yes, your story was a different journey. My mind resisted all the way to the end but there, at last, I had to face the fact that she had died. Very well told and somber as the weather. I appreciated the craftwoperdaughtership that went into it.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  15. Oh, this started like a wedding, wow, where you took it, well done.

  16. I enjoyed the twist in the tale Jen, excellent work.

  17. Jennifer, nice to see your smiling face again. I had a long and very clever comment that got lost in cyberspace… I liked your story… I hope to be writing soon.

  18. Very well done with the unexpected twist–and very sad. I liked that there was hope in there, too—even if that may not be your personal take on it!

    • I think there is hope. Whether you believe they are right or not – their faith will sustain them through their loss and if they are right, they will see her again in a happier place. Thanks for leaving your thoughts, Wanderer!

  19. A wonderful story. A real tear jerker.

  20. This made my throat burn with the effort not to cry (I’m at work). We can all believe in the happier place – that’s what gets me through mourning, right now. Very well done.

  21. such a twist! Definitely made me ache at the sadness in those few words of comfort

  22. Fantastic! Although I suspected where you were going with it, it still made me sad!

  23. Very good Elmo, I loved the way you used the church as a destination for the wedding journey of their dreams contrasted with the reality of their daughters funeral. The first paragraph could be describing either possibility, the first clues coming in the second. Great set-up with a poignant ending.

  24. Wow Jennifer you nearly created two stories in the one. A surprise the way it ended.

  25. Oh, so sad. I was afraid that was going to be the end. It was very well told and poignant.

  26. Uh-oh, that really caught me surprise. I was so looking forward to celebratory ending. But mum and dad are going to be okay – you can tell from what you’ve written her.

  27. The ending ripped my heart out. All I can say is you’re a damn good writer.

  28. The emotion in this is so powerful and well-drawn with the smallest of indicators – different journey, until we’re ready to join her. I found the two Misty’s in the first line slightly jarring – using ‘…her head..’ would only cause confusion and ‘…her daughter’s head..’? adds a word so maybe I should just keep quiet. I admire the way you set this up to be one event and deftly turned it into another.

    • You’ve picked up on my dilemma, Sarah Ann. “Her daughter’s head” is still potentially confusing as to whose daughter. The only way I can think of would be to Lose the first one – either “Mum pulled the dress over Misty’s head” or “Louisa pulled the dress over her daughter’s head”. But the first seems to bring us too close to Misty’s POV and the second too impersonal. I shall have to keep thinking…

  29. The Bridegroom came for her. You did that very well!

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