Inspiration Monday – Frozen tears

Yesterday, I did something a bit different for FF, today I’m similarly stepping outside my comfort zone for InMon. It’s a historical fiction piece. I’m not sure I’m terribly proud of it, but I’m going to throw it out there and see what y’all think. I always welcome feedback, especially constructive criticism.


Prudence looked out into the darkness and held her breath. Rain pounded the window, then instantly froze, streaking it with frozen tears that blurred her vision. But she could still see them: the lights of their torches dancing through the gloom.

There had never been such a harsh winter, even her Grandpappy said so and he’d come over right near the beginning. Most people stayed home: wrapped themselves in brand new blankets or huddled in front of previously-ornamental fireplaces. But Pa hadn’t had no choice. He couldn’t be late to the white folks’ house where he worked.

She watched those burning branches and she knew the night hid hoods and capes. Prudence prayed into the darkness that Pa had gotten through before they started their gathering. She watched as the torches formed a gently bobbing circle around a larger, brighter light. From this angle, she couldn’t see, but she knew it was a cross.

They were all praying to the same God, but Prudence hoped she was the one He listened to. She dropped to her knees, where she could no longer see the flames, and prayed that the cross wouldn’t become a crucifix tonight.



Filed under Inspiration Monday, Writing

8 responses to “Inspiration Monday – Frozen tears

  1. I found this to be a powerful piece of writing. You’ve used imagery to great effect – frozen tears and burning torches. My favourite line is, “They were all praying to the same God, but Prudence hoped she was the one He listened to”. It highlights both her desperation and the hypocrisy of using religion to justify terrible acts.

    • Thanks for your thoughts, Steve. I had the imagery before I knew what was going on, so I’m glad it still hung together. And yes – it’s amazing how everyone wants to believe God (however they understand that term) is on their side, however unjustifiable they appear from the outside.

  2. I found the narrative voice very convincing and easy to sympathize with. I was right there with her praying in the dark.

  3. Vivid, and kind of heartbreaking. I like it.

  4. KP

    Powerful images. If only it wasn’t so close to the truth. Prudence knows … we know. Emotional stuff.

  5. writingsprint

    You did a great, great job with this. The fear is real, and her awareness of praying to the same God brings it home.

  6. Pingback: Inspiration Monday: a word is worth a thousand pictures | bekindrewrite

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