Friday Fiction – Lonely Is Never Alone

It’s FF time again, and this week’s picture comes from the wonderful Janet Webb. Janet reads and comments on all the stories every week – I don’t know how she manages it, but it’s quite the feat. You can see Janet’s story at her blog, and the rest of her week’s reading at Rochelle’s HQ.

Technically, I’m not sure this is a story so much as an observation. Either way, I welcome your comments, as always.

trolleys

Lonely Is Never Alone

Diana pushed her plate away: another microwave “Meals4One”. She’d resigned herself to the single life, but it still caught her, sitting at the dining table in her oversized flat. She’d imagined a husband, babies playing at her feet. Now the waters of menopause were rising and she paddled them alone.

Nextdoor, Nadia collected Aidan’s plate. When they were first married, he’d praised her cooking, now he took it for granted. She glanced at the other end of the table: empty chairs for the sons they would never have. Then she waded through her grief into the kitchen to wash up.

51 Comments

Filed under Friday Fiction, Writing

51 responses to “Friday Fiction – Lonely Is Never Alone

  1. Dear Jennifer,

    Your use of water as a metaphor for each of your protagonist’s life woes was creative and well crafted. It is not easy to make the words flow to fit the vision of your imagination but you pulled it with the effortlessness of water finding its own level. Well done.

    Do you see why I love reading your work?

    Aloha,

    Doug

  2. Sad story. I hope Diana and Nadia can meet for coffee one of these lonely mornings.

  3. H. Ken Abell

    I really liked how you repeated the water language — paddled, waded — excellent use of the metaphor and a great interpretation of the prompt.

  4. MrBinks

    That’s a sad one. Really emotive. Nice work.

  5. Great choice of words here to fit the prompt. Well done Jennifer, a good one.

  6. There are a lot of us floundering in this childless sea. You’ve captured the empty feeling very well.

  7. Excellent job of effortless (at least when read) metaphor, Jen. (Before I forget, “Next door” somehow smashed themselves into one word.) I like your title because I not only see that they both lonely together, but that sometimes, although not in your story, lonely can be found in the middle of never being alone. I hope they’re able to find each other and get together. Sounds as though volunteering somewhere with children might be a great thing for them both. And BTW, thanks for your lovely words. They’re much appreciated…as I sit alone in the house. 🙂 Don’t mind it at all!

    janet

    • You’re right about the other side of loneliness – it is definitely possible to be lonely in a crowd. Grr to that “next door” smash – it was hard enough to get this down to 100 words as it is. I shall have to scour out another redundancy…

  8. Achingly beautiful little tale.
    AnElephant is moved.

  9. I love the way you took two different lives and yet both were sad and lonely. I see the water as their tears. I also like that what she imagines is another life that’s better turns out to be just as sad and empty as the one she has. It’s a thought-provoking story on a lot of different levels. A really good story.

  10. A great take on the prompt, I loved the use of metaphors, cleverly done 🙂

  11. Very moving, and powerful. I love the use of water to make both stories come together, metaphorically. Very well done!

  12. A very poignant tale and very cleverly wrought from the empty shopping carts…

  13. Very well crafted and poignant. Vivid imagery. I felt like I was sitting at the table with her!

  14. Dear Jen,
    I know these people. Thank you for changing their names to protect the innocent. Unfortunately, there are a lot of sad people out there. They need to get out of the house, grab the bull by the tail and look it square in the eye.

  15. Jennifer, the contrasts in life give us a perspective that we would not have otherwise. Your snapshot of two women help the reader see what both have and what they are lacking.
    Poignant piece.

  16. This may be one of my favorites from you.

  17. Very beautiful haunting writing. And two stories for the price of one.
    Claire

  18. another one for me to learn from – great.
    Liebe Grüße
    Carmen

  19. Dear Jennifer,

    I love your use of the prompt as a jumping off point. As has already been said, you use of the water as a metaphor is stellar. There’s nothing as lonely as being alone in a relationship.
    I have to ask. Is there a significance in the fact that Nadia and Diana have the exact same letters?

    Well done, no matter what.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • Dear Rochelle,
      Thanks for your kind words, as so often, generously given. I’m so glad someone spotted the name choices – yes, it was deliberate because their situations are so different and yet so similar. Did you notice Aidan too? He’s not the monster in this story.

  20. I noticed that, too, Rochelle! I truly enjoyed the different perspectives of each woman’s life. I know what it’s like to be alone as well as lonely. I think the saddest lonely is when you are with someone and you still feel that emptiness. You captured both effectively.

    • Thank you, Erin. As I said in my reply to Rochelle, yes the names are absolutely deliberate – as is Aidan’s. Although we don’t see his POV, I wanted to show that he’s in the same boat as the women.

  21. Wonderful story! Great interpretation of the photo to prompt the water metaphors. Also liked the wordplay of the characters’ names.

  22. A wonderful tale Jennifer and a clever take on the prompt. Thanks for a great read.

  23. Two wonderful images painted well with the water.. and the loneliness… very well done. Always love to visit when i can..

  24. Everyone in every situation has things they don’t like and things they regret. The grass is greener and such…
    Sad
    Scott
    Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2013/10/16/ff-friday-fictioneers-100-words-photo-prompt-10182013-rated-pg13/

  25. What can I say, Jen? Just … too … AWESOME!! Great observations! Made me want to hear more … and more and more. I liked the singleness angle (I had a similar angle, although kind of twisted). Poignantly told. Well done!

  26. Wow, that was a powerful use of the picture. There’s no flood as bitter as regret. Wonderful story, although it hits hard.

  27. I like how you used the photo’s wateriness to form your story. It’s also very visual. I can see vividly the scenes in both places. Life from the viewpoints of two female characters. I can’t help feeling that your women need to lose the victim mentality. I hope they get together and help each other out.

  28. camgal

    That was touching..and true.

  29. Observations that could be found in many domiciles around the world.

  30. Pingback: Words at Play | elmowrites

  31. Pingback: Reading Between The Lines … and the letters | elmowrites

  32. Pingback: FF – Rerun – Lonely is never alone | elmowrites

  33. michael1148humphris

    This story just felt right for the prompt.

  34. I like how you use the prompt in the language of this story.

  35. Two cases of grieving women. So far I have not yet read a story about these trolleys with a man as the ‘victim’. I wonder why?

  36. There is a lovely balance and counter balance between these two women’s lives. I think it’s a story well done.

  37. Great take–heartbreaking. I love the way you used the metaphor. Well told.

Feedback feeds the muse. Join in the conversation here:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s