Friday Fiction – As Seen On TV

This week’s FF post comes with a moderate language warning. Also, a note that none of the characters in this story reflect any actual persons alive or dead. That’s always the case with my writing, but in this instance one of the Fictioneers might notice a nod to her profession!

For those who don’t know, The Great British Bake-Off (aka Bake Off) has been a great hit with women of a certain age and disposition in the UK recently. so much so, it’s spawned The Great British Sewing Bee and presumably other hobbies and activities are lining up to follow. Just wait until the adult entertainment industry catches up and add The Great British Fu… I digress.

Quick, before I have to upgrade that warning, here’s Renee’s photo (the way it loads on the iPad I saw the bottom first, hence my interpretation), and my story. Comments always welcome.

melting-wax-renee-heath

As Seen On TV

“Shit!” Charlotte dumped the piping bag in the bowl. “Shit, shit shit!”

She shouldn’t have used fondant. A nice spreadable buttercream, or rolled-out royal and she’d be done by now. But no, she had to try fondant. They made it look so easy on Bake-off.

Now, she had rivers of sticky icing racing down the cupboards. Soon it would reach the floor, and Andy had already called to say they’d left the airport.

The door slammed and Charlotte drew breath. They couldn’t be here already.

“Hi Mum!”

She breathed again. “Ah, kids, perfect timing. Who wants to decorate Grandma’s cake?”

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42 Comments

Filed under Friday Fiction, Writing

42 responses to “Friday Fiction – As Seen On TV

  1. Hahaha! I like this story, Jen. Very well-done. I’m sure Chairwoman Rochelle will have some great comments on it, too (being a subject near and dear to her). Wonderful work this week.

  2. Hilarious.. at lest she didn’t go for making cotton candy in the kitchen… in an old cook-book I’ve seen there is a hilarious picture were sugar threads are spun over chairs and tables making it look like a failed halloween party.

  3. Ingenious take on the prompt. And a great solution to her dilemma. Blame it on the kids. I really liked the opening – sounds a bit like my kitchen.

  4. Haha, I love Great British Bake-Off so much! What do you mean by women of a certain age and disposition?! My boyfriend just gave me a recipe book of GBBO showstopper recipes and we did one of them together. Totally impressed his parents with my icing skills, just sayin’.

  5. Using the kids is always a great idea. Really enjoyable story, Jen, a portrait deftly drawn as always. I can see how you came to the idea by the way the photo loaded. And thanks for not finishing the adult version title. 🙂

    janet

  6. A different take on the picture that brought wonderful visions of a big fat mess and hot, sticky fingers.

  7. Very funny! Will love to see Rochelle’s comments 🙂

  8. Rather clever. And she has a lucky escape. Fondant? Tut tut.

  9. Dear Jennifer,

    Nothing about this story offends me. On the contrary. Having minimal experience with fondant, I felt your character’s pain to the bone. It’s not as easy as they make it look. As for disasters, this past Wednesday was my day for them. 😉

    Everything about your story made me laugh, including the well-chosen epithet.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • I’m sorry to hear about your disasters, although it pleases me to know it’s not just me. I often wonder how many goes those TV chefs take before they have the one they present on-screen!

  10. Dear Jennifer,

    May I lick the spoons? Great story (and introduction). There is nothing like using the children for camouflage.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  11. Jen, That was hilarious. XD I could easily guess the adult version and I hope they don’t go that far. Kids can get away with a lot when it comes to impressing grandparents. Well done. 🙂

    Susan

    • There’s a scene in my head from after Andy gets home with his Mum and Charlotte’s showing off the cake saying “The kids did it themselves, but they made such a mess of the kitchen…”

  12. I’ve had a few icing disasters myself. Kids are handy to have on standby in such circumstances, especially if doting grandparents are involved 🙂
    My kids love Bake-off and are under the impression that I can make anything that Mary and Paul can make.

    • I must say I’ve never seen an episode – not really my thing – but I’ve seen enough cookery type programmes to imagine. Luckily my kid’s still not old enough to have many expectations of me! I may have to crush them early!

  13. Wherever possible I always blame my children. Nice story.

  14. Icing disasters! Yep, I think many of us have had at least one! Great story.

  15. I love it! Reminds me again of the wedding I have coming up! 🙂 Thankfully, I’m the Mom and won’t be called on to make the cake.

  16. Good visualisation and style. Very alive this piece of writing

  17. isn’t it wonderful that mom can always think of something to save the day?

  18. Thats quite different from the rest… great use of the prompt Jennifer 🙂

  19. Cute story! I like your unique take on the photo. I’m a disastrous cook, so I’m certain if I tried to use fondant, this would be the result. 🙂

  20. Hilarious! I wrap presents really badly and blame the kids. They’re teenagers now and not impressed. Soon they’ll leave home and there’ll be no one left to blame! Great story and your intro made me laugh too 🙂

  21. Oh this reminds me so much of myself — between cookies going wrong, a cake that collapsed and melting styrofoam to the stove eyes, the past year has been dangerous in my kitchen. There’s a reason I always say I need to napalm my kitchen after I bake or cook! Love this!

  22. Nice recovery! Loved the Bake-off comment… somehow Jamie Oliver’s 15 minute recipes don’t seem to happen in 15 minutes… and half of it is on the floor too.

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