A Second Look (Friday Fiction)

A few people who submit to the Friday Fictioneers (and other prompts) don’t like feedback. Well that’s fair enough for them, but I believe feedback is what makes my writing better. First, because good writers and real readers point out things I am too close to see, and second because my critics never let me rest on my laurels. You challenge me to write better, to question everything and I’m truly grateful.

A couple of weeks ago, I posted “Tea Party” and a bunch of you were kind enough to be honest and say you didn’t get it or got something I hadn’t intended from it. I had been, perhaps, a little too obtuse. That’s my word, not yours, you are all far kinder in your words. Then this last week, out came “Extraordinary“. Laying it on thick, you said, Obvious. (Though again, your wording was gentler).

I didn’t post either story as a rush job. In neither case did I sling out my first draft or something I wasn’t happy with, but you were there anyway, my faithful critics, to push me to on to another step, another improvement.

I want you to know I’m listening. I want you to know that I’m grateful. I may not always agree with your comments, but I always appreciate them.

This rewrite of Extraordinary is for you. For everyone who gives feedback, good and bad, and takes the time to help and encourage other writers. As ever, you are welcome to leave your thoughts, whether good or bad.

Extraordinary

When Libby watched Footloose with her sisters, they mocked the Eighties hairstyles and fashions, but she absorbed the lessons of the story itself: Confidence, individuality, strength.

At school, she tried to carry her hips with a bit of a sway, like Ariel. She was strong, unique, confident: unbeatable. The feeling outlasted even her teacher’s jibe.

“Sit down, Elizabeth,” shot Mr Caber. “You’re not on the catwalk now.”

“Meow,” Iain’s voice snarled behind her. It crowded over her like a stormcloud, building into something dark and powerful. Sliding down in her chair, Libby thought about how one boy can change everything.

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7 Comments

Filed under Friday Fiction, Writing

7 responses to “A Second Look (Friday Fiction)

  1. That’s what I’m talking about, Jennifer! Good work! 🙂 Thanks for taking the time to rework this one. The effort was rewarding, at least for this reader.

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

  2. I know you were trying to make the Footloose connection how one boy can change everything – but in that case, it was a positive thing. So I think that you can make this perfect by adding two words. Libby thought about how one boy can change – or ruin – everything.
    Again, just my opinion, darling.

  3. Dear Jen,

    Exactly. Sometimes the smallest change makes the biggest impact.

    I agree that we’re not supposed to be a mutual admiration society. As I recall you helped me with a particular story in the a bit of dialogue. It made all the difference. We may not always agree but it never hurts to take a second look and explore the options.

    Nice work.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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