Friday Fiction – Boxes

Friday Fiction time again. I’m slightly hampered by technology today, including the fact that my Word Count device seems to be stuck on 99, no matter how many words I add or take away. I suppose I could count manually, but instead I’m just going to ask your forgiveness for possibly going one or two over / under 100.

Rochelle hosts us and Adam Ickes provided this week’s photo. As usual, please feel free to be honest!

copyright-adam-ickes

 

Mrs Mwanna’s house is really weird. It’s full of boxes, like on Hoarders except that Mrs Mwanna’s stuff is all carefully labelled. She’s got this one box where I think she stores her conversations with the spirits, because it’s got a sign on the outsideΒ that says In Voices.

She asked me to go and get her a new box of candles out of the back room and I saw the In Voices box and then I saw Joey chewing on a candle. Father Andrews says “The devil lives among us,” but he’s probably just seen Mrs Mwanna’s pet goat.

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34 Comments

Filed under Friday Fiction

34 responses to “Friday Fiction – Boxes

  1. Chris

    Hello

    That was a really clever use of the invoices box. I wasn’t expecting it, and it made me smile :-). Nice story.

    Chris

    • Thanks, Chris. I always enjoy an excuse to wheel these characters out and Mrs Mwanna isexactly the sort of person to have apet goat.and a goat skull too, to be honest.

  2. ‘In Voices’…groan πŸ™‚

  3. I have a weakness for child narrators — you capture that innocence and wonder really well. No nitpickiness this week. You get the Dilettante seal of Approval.

  4. Great, Jen! I laughed out loud at that first paragraph. The “voice” of the narrator, though, very innocent-sounding. Wonderful stuff! Bravo!

  5. This was great. I busted out laughing a few times- didn’t quite know what to expect here. Very well done! Being that I work in accounting and purchasing, every time I see an invoice (which is quite often) I will think of you!

  6. Lovely voice in this one. You caught it just right.
    Claire

  7. Dear Jen,

    No matter how you came to In Voices it worked well in this piece. I could just hear the child. I remember as a child thinking the word was wardrope and not wardrobe. πŸ˜‰ Well written right down to Mrs. Mwanna’s pet goat.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  8. I love the confidence of the child’s voice in this story, believing he/she has got it all figured out, while the adults are lagging a bit behind πŸ™‚

  9. This is incredibly simple and great and well thought out and done in the right voice … and whew, I’ve run out of compliments.

  10. Thoroughly enjoyable !

  11. I love the reference to the “In Voices” box!!!

  12. Dear Jennifer,

    I loved the MC’s voice and the reach to explain the boxes label. Very imaginative and carried off like a pro. I like the ‘word count is broken’ excuse, too. I’m going to use it. I would have last week but I can count to two so it wouldn’t have flown.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  13. Melanie

    I’ll echo the others: “in voices” is quite clever. And the confidence of the narrator, that he’s got it all figured out and the adults could learn a thing or two from him.

  14. This is hilarious, Jen! So many double references. Clever and brilliantly written.

  15. You were perfectly “In Voice” with that line. Fun story. Good job. Randy

  16. I still misinterpret words so I could definitely relate to In Voices. I loved this one, Jenn. Extremely clever and so much fun to read. Great job.

  17. Jen, That was really cute and humorous. A child is likely to think exactly that way. I’m glad the goat is enjoying itself. Well written. πŸ™‚ —Susan

  18. Wonderful voice her, Jen. Always good reading on Elmowrites. πŸ˜‰

  19. Sarah

    Loved this! Really creative with the “In Voices.”

  20. Michael B. Fishman

    This was a clever take on the prompt, Jennifer. I really liked the “In Voices” explanation!

  21. The “In voices” thing was a great idea! Great take on the prompt πŸ™‚
    Here is mine: http://reemadsouza.blogspot.in/2014/07/a-stranger-in-my-own-house.html

  22. Great innocent child’s voice. (I don’t like to presume but assumed this was a Melanie story.) The connection between Joey and the devil is perfect.

  23. Great innocent child’s voice. (I don’t like to presume but assumed this was a Melanie story.) The connection between Joey and the devil is perfect. And that was an inspired use of in-voices.

  24. Dear Jennifer, I may have already commented on your story, but if not – here goes. I love it and the name Mwannas! So clever and I love that she has a box of voices tool You are so clever with the story itself!. Thanks, Nan πŸ™‚

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