Voice Week 2014 – 3: Charlotte

Friday Fiction will be back next week – in the meantime please enjoy Voice Week – a 100 word story each day this week.

Did you meet Brenda yesterday? Did you find her the same grumbling, middle-aged busybody, who discovered her neighbour in the trash a few weeks ago? Brenda was hard for me because I don’t know anyone quite like her in real life, but also because she is North American and I never manage to catch all the Britishisms in my writing. How did I do yesterday?

Today, it’s Charlotte’s turn and I feel like I’m on safer ground, but do le me know what you think about her.

CHARLOTTE

And she’s gone. If I can just shift her slightly off my… Shit. Shhh, shhh, twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are … That’s it, back to sleep, sweetheart, shh shh.

Ok. Now, what was I was doing? Ah, the banana. I put it within reach, so I can lean over … yes!

Now. To peel it, one-handed, without moving. No, no. Shh. Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top. Mama put you up there so she could eat a banana. Or have a nap. Or … no, Charlotte, don’t even think about a toilet break or you’re doomed.

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26 Comments

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26 responses to “Voice Week 2014 – 3: Charlotte

  1. That’s spot on; twitch and the baby wakes instantly 😉

  2. Pingback: Voice Week 2014 – 3: Charlotte | elmowrites | Voice Week HQ

  3. Hahaha, imprisoned by the sleeping child! Love the practical, down to earth voice of the loving mother.

    I didn’t catch any Britishisms yesterday; it felt American to me. But I read and watch a lot of British stuff and sometimes I get it mixed up with my own American lingo and spelling. Is it grey or gray? Travelling or traveling? Trash can or rubbish bin?

    But you know. Wibbly wobbly talky walky.

  4. Haha, reading this and balancing my laptop on one knee and humming my little one to sleep at the same time.

    I did not think your American was bad. I did not pick up on any Britishisms but perhaps being a North American living in Britain has made me numb to both. 🙂

  5. The poor mother desperate for a quiet break! All she wants is a banana dammit!! 🙂

  6. Just smiling, remembering similar incidents and how I was sure one night I would fall asleep while nursing and drop the poor baby. Thankfully that never happened, but… I don’t notice British-isms or mind them if I do. I read so many British authors that they all (or at least mostly) sounds normal to me.

    janet

    • I definitely think we’re merging the languages, but I’m always open to hearing when something jars.
      Ah yes, the fear of dropping the baby. I’ve fallen asleep many times and so far he’s always stayed in my arms.

  7. I hope Charlotte could have her banana in peace! Very different from the previous two. I am beginning to crave bananas reading your stories. I was wondering why I wanted to have one this morning, I don’t even like the fruit so much… I am wondering if this was my subconscious inspiration! 😀

  8. I bet that banana would be amazing if she could ever get to eat it! She sounds like a tired, harassed mother — somewhat young, but I suspect this is not her first baby. She sounds too well-practised in the art of food-sneaking!

    Another brilliant voice. 🙂

  9. Evan

    Hmm, this feeling seems familiar–nice job with it! I’m sensing a lot of direct stream-of-consciousness here…

  10. Haha! This one’s my favorite so far. Definitely something any parent/babysitter/older sibling can relate to. The quiet determination of needing to eat and desperately not wanting to wake the baby… I like how you added a line of “Twinkle Twinkle” in there – classic!

  11. Lol, you have captured this so well, you had me in giggles, especially with the last line. Love this so much.

  12. Another mother or perhaps a sister or confused dad? This one was tougher for me. ^ ^’ Interesting voice though.

    Stori Tori’s Blog

  13. Wonderful! I like the nursery rhymes interwoven into her thoughts. I especially like this part: “Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top. Mama put you up there so she could eat a banana.” Ha!

  14. Whatever you do, you NEVER wake the sleeping baby;) I learned this lesson the hard way many times when my niece and nephew were little. I like the stream of consciousness way the mother is thinking about having a little refreshment while at the same time not wanting to wake the baby

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