Friday Fiction – The Date

I’m delighted to be able to fit in a Friday Fiction story this week. It’s proving a crazy busy month – I was away for a while and now I’m back Sebastian is proportionately clingy; I’m running up to NaNoWriMo, which I am both participating in and helping to run (in Toronto); and I needed to find a bit of slack in the schedule. As a consequence, I expect the irregular posting to continue for at least the next 6 weeks, and I hope regular readers will be patient and stick around for my return. Thanks or your support!

Over at FF HQ, things are far more clockwork, Rochelle runs a tight ship and The Reclining Gentleman provides this week’s prompt. My story follows and your comments, as always, are invited.

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The Date

We’re meeting on the pier, so I can’t “Dress nice” – Mum’s only piece of advice for snaring a boy – because I’m wearing my ugly, blue anorak so I don’t freeze or drown or in some other way die. And I didn’t spend hours on my hair, because if I wear a hat it’s ruined and if I don’t, it’s still ruined.

So I turn up looking like something the cat dragged in and I stand there trying to pick him out from the bird spotters, muggers and perverts. And right until he arrives, I almost wish he wouldn’t.

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42 Comments

Filed under Friday Fiction, Writing

42 responses to “Friday Fiction – The Date

  1. quick note – “it’ll still ruined” might want to look at this again.

    I love this. There’s a feeling of youth and rebellion in it. Kudos.

  2. Nice ending there, Jen. Yep, right up UNTIL he arrives. This sets the stage for young love well. I can’t help thinking Mom is a bit old fashioned in her advice. Plenty of young men like a girl with a spirit for adventure and willingness to let the wind muss her hair. I wish your characters all the best.

    Best of luck with NaNoWriMo this year. I’ve contemplated playing along in order to finish the next 50,000 words of my Lauren Schrecklich saga, but time will tell if I actually can do that while building my new web content business and such. Whatever happens, rest assured that at least this member of your audience will be eagerly awaiting your next blog post.

    Cheers!
    MG

    • Thanks MG, I definitely find the discipline of NaNo a good way to plug out writing projects I want to work on, but it doesn’t always fall at the most convenient time!!
      I agree about Mum – in my head she’s not that interested and probably threw it out as a polite “leave me alone” to her daughter. Not the happiest family environment, but I wanted to leave you something positive in that last line!

  3. Geez,,,can we all relate to that! Well, I can at least. Good luck with the NaNoWriMo, that takes enormous discipline. Bravo to you!

  4. I feel for her – so unhappy with herself, but I have a feeling the date’s going to produce her Mr Right by the sound of the last sentence. This is such a spot-on story. I love it.
    Marg

  5. Have to hope he’s a bird spotter of those choices. 🙂 OK, I supposed he might be none of the above. I love the way that last line opens us up to what happens rather than spelling it out. Your protagonist sounds like someone I’d like.

    janet

  6. I like happy endings… I’m glad he arrived. Randy

  7. MM Jaye

    Aww! I want to read more! A great opening to a YA romance story!

    Greetings from Greece!
    Maria (MM Jaye–too busy to do this this week 😦 )

  8. Fantastic tone of voice here – you’ve really captured a teenager’s voice. And good luck with Nanowrimo!

  9. Dear Jennifer,

    All my best on your many endeavors. Busy lady and mum. I’ve thought about participating in NaNoWriMo but not until I retire. (A year from now).

    I loved the tone of your story. Sounds like a down to earth kind of girl. Then you left us to our own imaginings as to what happens next. I’m imagining a happy ending. 😉 Nicely done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • I’ll see you at NaNo 2015, then Rochelle!
      I’m glad you went for a happy ending; I feel like this character needs someone to teach her to love herself. Her Mum hasn’t done that, I’m certain.

  10. I have a feeling that for Mr Right, mother’s advice might not prove right.

  11. You’ve nailed that mix of bravado and vulnerability in young love, Jennifer. I adore this story.

  12. I love your narrator’s voice in this, and know all too well that frustration of hair and wind (as I’m sure many do!) Such an easy story to relate to.

    Good luck with NaNo – I admire anyone who sticks with it.

  13. Self-doubt, mom’s advice, expectations, and butterflies. All the ingredients of a first date. You’ve captured the moment perfectly!

  14. She is being honest, being herself, the best of the teen years.

  15. That is how “life time” relationships are started.

  16. What a lovely story, I loved the voice and really felt for your character – so vulnerability yet somehow resilient to keep up the search.

  17. I hope they go off and have a good time. Maybe meeting somewhere without so many perverts and muggers might be preferable next time. The teenage date is such a horrible thing to wait for. I imagined grins full of relief and braces when he finally arrived.

    • 🙂 I like the idea of relief and braces – spot on! And I think we should be clea that the men on the pier are probably all innocent of the crimes her paranoid brain accuses them of!

  18. I really enjoyed your story! Her voice is quite alive, and there is a lot of movement. Her frustration is clear, detectable in every word. (I felt like this, once. The date turned out fine, though the end result of the relationship did not. Nothing to do with my hair or a parka.) Great work!

  19. really nice scene, this. I loved the “hair” line 🙂

  20. So true to life – I remember those bitter-sweet moments of youth. Well done.

  21. Dear Jennifer,

    This story is flawless and funny and I am still smiling. Your voice was clear and the descriptions of the MC and by the MC put me right there and had me rooting for her all the way. Great ending and a solid two thumbs up for The Date.

    The folks at NanNoWriMo are lucky to have you working both sides of the fence. I, for one, am never going to go away. Your writing rocks.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  22. Jen, Your main character would probably fit right in with most of us as we were when teens. You’re half afraid to get your hopes up only to have them flattened. The mom seems like a kind of rough and ready type who thinks too much fussing is unnecessary. With that type, “presentable” is sufficient. They often mean the best, but are outspoken. This was reality-based. Well written. All the best with NoNo 2014. 🙂 — Susan

  23. Sorry for that rather funny typo in the last sentence. It was supposed to be “NaNo” not “NoNo.” 😀

  24. Dear Jennifer, Nice story and I hope he does turn up! Good job – and have fun with NaNo. Nan 🙂

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