Friday Fiction – A Spiteful God

Thank you for so many lovely, supportive comments over the past couple of weeks. I continue to have my hands literally and metaphorically full with the boys, but I love writing and your support means a lot. Today’s FF picture is Rochelle’s own; the words are mine and come with a slight language / blasphemy warning.

hyde-hall-light

A Spiteful God

Janey was superstitious about them things; went f’in’ crazy if I said anythin’ was good.

“Nice weather, eh, Janey?”

“Don’t spoil it,” she’d say, like God might hear an’ send rain just t’spite me. I thought she was being soft.

It was her what said it in the end. “Job for life,” she said when them toffs took ‘er on to clean house. “Just the lights’ll take a decade,” she said.

“Aye, life,” said God, rubbin’ ‘is hands at catchin’ ‘er out. Eight days on, she’s up a ladder polishin’ one minute, stone cold on the marble floor the next.

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34 Comments

Filed under Friday Fiction, Writing

34 responses to “Friday Fiction – A Spiteful God

  1. Sadly funny! Nicely done story.

  2. She got done in by her own attitude and beliefs, eh? Sadly funny, as ansumani puts it.

  3. Yes, what she said. Sad but funny.

  4. If you believe too strong in misery it will find you.. alas.

  5. Oh dear, her pessimism caught up to her. What we sow we reap, sadly in this case! Well told, love the way you captured the dialect!

  6. I don’t even believe in the spiteful ones.
    Good piece anyway.

  7. Blasphemy only means I’ve said that I don’t believe what they believe, and their feelings are hurt. Mine aren’t! Write on. 🙂

    • Thanks. I think it’s respectful to spare the feelings of others where possible, but not at the expense of free speech. It’s also good for writers to acknowledge the fact that we don’t always agree with our characters’ views.

  8. Dear Jennifer,

    Self fulfilling prophecy, I’d say. Well written. Love the voice.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • Poor Janey, nobody has much sympathy for her round here! Glad the voise worked; as I said above, was a bit concerned it might make for cumbersome reading, but perhaps more so in a longer piece.

  9. A spiteful God indeed. Convincing voice Jennifer.

  10. Great take on the voice here, and the twist in the story I found interesting. Also… what blasphemy?

  11. Great story. The dialect is very effective. So is the abrupt ending. God had it in for ol’ Janey!

  12. i’m not sure whether to smile or mourn for her untimely passing.

  13. Sweet take on the prompt

  14. Fantastic, Jen! Great voice, and story with a very clever twist. I remain in awe that you are writing with a beautiful new babe! Hope you’re feeling as well as you write. 😉

  15. This is great. I can see the fates cackling. So do I, although it’s sad, too.

  16. I love the voice. Poor Janey was her own worst enemy.

  17. Loved the dialogue Jennifer! Her strange belief system did her in!

  18. The voice is spot on for this piece. Janey should have learned to tack on God willin’ to every other sentence. That may have kept the old codfish appeased, but maybe not. 😉 I’m very grateful He has a sense of humor – you take after Him, you know.

  19. Nice work, Jen! Dialect can be difficult, but I think you nailed it this time. I even read it over a second time to soak it in.

    All my best,
    MG

  20. Ha – a Good One! Be careful – Mom always said not to tempt the ‘evil eye’. Of course we all know it’s bad luck to be superstitious! And this ending proves it…:)

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