Friday Fiction – All The Way Turnt Up

First day home alone with my two little balls of wonder – wish me luck!

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Today’s FF prompt is from Kent Bonham. I wasn’t instantly inspired, but a google search for inspiration turned up this video and the story was born. Your comments and critique are welcome and encouraged.

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All The Way Turnt Up

Sophie couldn’t remember how she’d gotten to the club. Did she know this boy grinding against her? Where was the entrance? And what was this music, pounding against her head like a jackhammer and making it hard to think or remember or see? The walls pulsed like they were breathing – rapid and ragged like she was.

His hand swept around her. It felt warm and sticky against her skin. What had happened to her favourite jacket? Had she put it down somewhere?

“Let’s clear out of here,” he said, in a voice like treacle. “I have a place for you.”

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53 Comments

Filed under Friday Fiction, Writing

53 responses to “Friday Fiction – All The Way Turnt Up

  1. Boy meets girl: oh, the romance!
    Good piece Jennifer.

  2. Great story…for me it would be a great start to a horror story!

  3. Wonder who the guy is and if she’s in a dream scene or a nightmare. Curious! Very curious.

  4. This is so well written.
    I honestly don’t know how anyone could enjoy the experience in the film unless they were pickled. Ew!

  5. Dear Jennifer,

    With a voice like treacle…smooth talker. I think I’d bolt. Well written scene that has my head pounding.

    Adorable picture of Sebastian and Dominic.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • I think bolting would be by far the most sensible option, although not sure she’ll get herself home safely in that state.
      I love this batch of photos of the two of the, so I thought I’d share

  6. Great description of her altered state – reminds me of my wild youth!
    Glad I no longer experience that state. Poor girl, I think she will probably go wherever he leads her…

  7. I can’t help but worry poor Sophie was given some kind of drug. It all starts out as harmless fun…

  8. Dear Jennifer, Great story and very cute children! You will be a great Mom to these little guys! Nan

  9. Love the picture of your new arrival. Beautiful. The story sounds like a familiar scene – I recommend a trip to the loo, an exit via the toilet window and … well then I don’t know. Where would you be safe when you’re in that condition? Certainly not on the street, nor in the back of a taxi. You captured the nightmare very realistically. Well done.

    • Cheers, Sandra. I share your fears for Sophie; I’m not sure there’s a safe or easy way out of this situation, but going home with treacle boy definitely isn’t it!

  10. Poor Sophie I hope she remembers all in time.
    Your kids are very cute and adorable Jennifer.

  11. beautiful babies
    “I have a place for you.” Run Sophia, Run!

  12. Oh dear – this isn’t going to end well. Reminds me of a nightclub I went to once in my youth. Scary.

  13. Gee I hate when that happens. After nights like these, I vow to do a 10 day detox! (If I survive the night) Just speaking theoretically…I don’t drink or go to nightclubs or hang out with people I don’t know. But if I did… 😉

  14. Quick and nasty.
    Well done.

  15. Did someone shout ‘RUN’? Gosh I hope so, she’s in some big trouble! Very well done!

  16. Francesca Smith

    That is more than enough to make one’s skin crawl.
    Very good story.

  17. Great story Jennifer! Nan

  18. Very effectively written–makes me very scared for her.

    Thank you for sharing the pic of your boys. They are just adorable!!!

  19. Great description of her vulnerability and confusion and the chaos of the nightclub. I hope she can find an escape route.

  20. It’s scary stuff knowing that this kind of thing happens. Well written piece.

  21. I was thinking about drugs and then saw your tags. Horrible situation, so well written, I could almost feel the stickiness.
    Good thing you have these two cute boys to get back to the lovely things in life. 🙂

  22. Wow! That video looks like a nightmare! And the story accompanies it well. Ay caramba! Let’s hope she gets out of this one okay. Good work spinning a tale for a difficult prompt. (Incidentally, I also found this one rather challenging.)

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

    • Thanks, MG, I found it challenging too, until I happened to find that video and then it was easier (although arguably because I wasn’t using the prompt per se any more!)

  23. They are on the right Trak it seems. Nice descriptions of the mind altered state that she is in.

  24. Great story. I think it’s the use of the word ‘treacle’ that makes it really unsettling.

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