Friday Fiction – Windows To The Soul

In haste … two boys asleep and a million things Mummy should be doing 😉

Sorry for my lack of involvement last week – I posted my story but I’m still getting to comments and haven’t read more than a couple of others. I’m hoping for better this week, but I’m still getting used to this new life, so bear with me.

Your thoughts on this week’s story are as welcome as ever. I read and appreciate all comments, even when it takes me a while to reply. Prompt courtesy of Madison Woods (it’s an old one – my previous response is here.)

moths

Windows To The Soul

It looked at her: unblinking eyes, piercing through the heavy parcel of air between them. Patience stared back.

“I see you,” she whispered. She wanted to turn away, but another body at her back held her in place. All around her, the half-light heaved with hot, hungry breath. They had entered this ship so many individuals, but already they breathed as one – a single mass of despair.

Except the eyes that bored into her. Those eyes held none of the panic, none of the fear, none of the pain that had filled them minutes before. The eyes were at peace.

slaveship

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23 Comments

Filed under Friday Fiction, Writing

23 responses to “Friday Fiction – Windows To The Soul

  1. A truly sad event that I”m sure continues to this day. Different ships, different people same scenario.

  2. I was picturing a big bug zapper. But I admit to being a narrow minded fellow. : )

  3. I’m not sure what the eyes were, but thank goodness for them at such a time and place. Very evocative writing.

    • Thanks Perry. Clearly more obscure than I intended given the number of uncertain comments. Perhaps the tangential link to the photo prompt added to the uncertainty???

  4. Your accusement for the slavers is laudable.
    Good piece Jennifer.

  5. Haunting story which left me wondering if the eyes were at peace because he’d died? I wrote a different slavery story last week – must be something in the air.

  6. Dear Jennifer,

    You certainly captured the atmosphere of a cramped slave ship. I liked “heavy parcel of air.” It says a lot in few words. Immediately I felt closed in.
    I have to admit that I wasn’t completely sure of what happened at the end with the eyes being at peace.

    Overall, a good piece of writing as always. I’m impressed that you haven’t missed more with your mummy duties. A toddler and a new baby can be demanding. Good for you for making time for yourself.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • Rochelle,
      Thanks, as ever, for your long and thought-out comment. I did have a further line in mind, something along the lines of “She reached out and slid dark lids down over them,” but it didn’t feel quite right. Maybe I should have put it in though, for clarity.
      As for time, I’m persuading myself that a lot of ‘having time’ is ‘making time’ and a lot of ‘making time’ is believing it’s possible. For the same reason, I’m still attempting to cook dinner from scratch ever night, for fear that if I lose the habit now, I’ll never get it back.

      Jen

  7. Very well done. Liked the ‘parcel of air’ line too.

  8. In the beginning I thought it was a refugee ship. Chilling that they are so much like the slave ships. Good story.

  9. Those ships.. the atmosphere, I wonder how it is today in those boats crossing the Mediterranean…

  10. I have to confess that I did not make the slave ship connection until I saw the second picture.
    But then I’m not too smart.
    Terrific atmosphere built in very few words.
    Well done.

  11. Amazing imagery! Well done, nothing else was needed.

  12. Nice take on the prompt

  13. The second picture sold the story. Well told. I could fee the cramped quarters and the heavy air. I’m sure the odor was horrible as well.

  14. Sadly, it happens still…Immigrants fro Africa trying to reach “golden” shores of Europe. Good story, very heartfelt.

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