FF – Freedom

Rochelle’s own picture for our prompt today, and while I’m here CONGRATULATIONS to our great leader who recently retired from the job, ready to focus on the career!

There is a beautiful cacophony as I type – Dominic is grumbling at his jungle, which is singing back to him. About five of Sebastian’s toys are also singing / talking, an he is giving a running commentary on the game he’s playing with them. I cannot hear myself think, so this story is influenced by that, together with the fact it’s written in five word bursts in between dealing with one or other of them! The story stands alone, or as part of the series here and here.

rainy-night

Freedom

Whenever a black sedan pulled into the lot below, Sandy felt sick. And in the rainy dusk, every sedan shone black. She turned back into the dinghy motel room.

He won’t come, she told herself. He doesn’t know where I am.

And if he did, he wouldn’t be in his own car; more likely he’d fly like she had, and rent one.

He could be driving anything.

She turned on the radio. Music drowned out the rain, the tires splashing into the parking lot, even the sex nextdoor, but it didn’t stop the voice in her head.

I’ll find you.

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33 Comments

Filed under Friday Fiction, Writing

33 responses to “FF – Freedom

  1. Yikes! Will we learn more next week?
    Ω

  2. I think once you are stalked by anyone, you are never really free.. Yikes is exactly the feeling….

  3. Good suspense.
    I think you might have a somewhat unnecessary ‘h’ in ‘dinghy’.

  4. Dear Jen,

    The story does stand alone. Good build of tension and downright fear. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  5. Sounds like the start of a great thriller, Jen.

    janet

  6. Good job despite the distractions. My boys are grown now but the dog and my husband can be equally demanding on Wednesdays. ha ha
    Good read.

  7. This is too uncanny! I published my story (with a similar idea and a different outcome) just two hours ago. ( http://magicsurrealist2013.me/2015/10/14/the-thing-i-held/)
    Needless to say, your story was full of an undercurrent of menace. The “sex next door” was a nice touch (so to speak)!
    Well-done!

  8. That must be such a horrible feeling. To be constantly living in fear.

  9. Is the fear of being found worse than actually being found?
    Good piece.

  10. Poor Sandy. She’s terrified and rightly so. Save her if you can.

  11. Nicely done. You really capture the fear and living on edge.

  12. I could totally feel the tension here…

  13. Nice creation of suspense. I enjoy your stories!

  14. Full of dread and miserable anticipation. I see CE has mentioned the dingy dinghy. Nicely done, including the sex next door. 🙂

  15. You are very nice to say so, thank you

  16. Excellent! I think you have us hooked!

  17. Very well written, you have expressed the tension and the fear perfectly. The last line is especially chilling

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