FF – In haste…

Picture from ceayr. Extroduction follows but is entirely optional. Either way, your comments and critique, as ever, are welcome.

chateau-de-sable-ceayr

Three weeks in, Gerald proposed. “Why wait?” he said, “You’re the one for me.”

When Lea told her family, mostly nobody objected. “She’ll do it anyway,” she heard Mum whisper to Dad that night. “We’ll only push her away if we say anything.”

“He’s a nice boy and she seems happy,” Dad replied. “Why wait, I suppose.”

She took Gerald with her to the nursing home.

“He’s easily confused,” she warned. “He might muddle up who we are.”

But that day Grandpa was clear as a bell. “Why hurry?” he said, gently. “In my day, you built foundations before walls.”

######
Extroduction

In haste is the title of this post as well as the story. As ever, I seem to be limited for time today. This story is exactly100 words, but otherwise didn’t get the level of polish I’d like. Here are a couple of thoughts. Feel free to read and answer them if you wish. Or not.

I don’t really like the name Gerald for this character. It feels a bit old-fashioned next to Lea and I’m wondering if that might distract a reader.

I had a version of this story told later, and making clear whether lea took the advice and how she felt about it later. However, I quite like the symmetry of Gerald and grandpa’s comments framing the story, so I decided to leave the results to your imagination.

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25 Comments

Filed under Friday Fiction

25 responses to “FF – In haste…

  1. I agree with you about the symmetry of the first and last lines. It is a nice juxtaposition. I would have used Gerry instead. I only ever knew one Gerald and you are right it is an old man’s name.

  2. I like a story that’s left hanging. A status quo really which I guess is the same as a story beginning and ending the same way. For me Gerald works – but I’m not so sensitive to anglosaxian names… If it was in Sweden he would be a Liam I think (which pairs nicely with Lea)

    • Ooh, he could be a Liam. it doesn’t really matter in this length of story, but Gerald suggests a different generation from Lea, to me, and I didn’t want there to be a suggestion that the disapproval was influenced by an age gap.

  3. I, too, like the symmetry of Grandpa and Gerald, especially because they are making opposite statements. And, yes, Gerald is a rather oldish name and set me back in time. (perhaps only because my husband’s great uncle was named Gerald.)

  4. Dear Jennifer,

    I had no problem with Gerald. Old names have been making a comeback, in any case. I agree about the symmetry of the first and last line. My only argument would be with “clear as a bell,” which is a bit of a cliche, Nonetheless, a good story. I’m so glad you were able to eke out a few moments to join in this week. I hope the boys are doing well and that so their mum.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • Ooh, clear as a bell. You’re right about it being a cliched. I must admit cliches are a bit of a weak spot of mine, and something I need to look out for in my writing.
      The boys are OK. I have nicknamed them Can’t Sleep and Won’t Sleep the last few days but we’re surviving, and I’m just waiting till they are hungover so I can be the one making a racket at 4am!!!
      Jen

  5. Beautiful story, loved it.

  6. I approve of Grandpa’s wisdom, and you tell this story well.

  7. I don’t think the name distracts from the story unless it was Barmy Fotheringay-Phipps (right Jeeves?) 🙂 Grandpa maybe confused but still has flashes of wisdom left. Nice one.

  8. I like older names and feel like it works here, with the old fashioned touch of visiting grandpa, and parents’ disappointment. I like the yin and the yang of Gerald and Grandpa, and how it plays out.

    Hope you’re enjoying your babe… who is growing into a person! Loved being w/my 5 month old grandson, and remember yours was born about a month before. 🙂

    • I’m amused that you thought the story was old-fashioned. I think many modern parents would be disappointed at such a rush-job even now, and I hope grandchildren will make a point of introducing their fiances to their grandparents for a long time to come!
      Yes, he is growing into a very happy kid, as a rule, and in awe of his big brother. Enjoy your grandson; I understand they are even easier to appreciate when you can give them back!

      • Yes! Agreed… I think my comment did not come out the way I intended. My grandparents were a very important, integral part of my life, and I plan to be one for my grandchildren.

        I love every minute with my grandson, just wish I didn’t have to travel 7,000 miles to do it! Giving him back is so very painful. But there is a wonderful ease in not feeling responsible for everything. That never goes away with your own! 😉

  9. I like your ending – Grandpa’s little bit of wisdom about foundations and walls is a nice link to the prompt. Your title is apt – no-one seems to be stopping to think about things. It’s a good story.

  10. I love this, and grandpa’s advice. If love can’t endure a little wait, how can it expect to endure a life of ups and downs? I really like the way you structured this, with grandpa echoing and contradicting the first sentence. I have no opinion about the name, some people just have a bit old-fashioned names.

  11. I also liked this story and agree with you (and others) about Gerald being an old-fashioned name. For me it actually interfered with a story a bit – for a second I thought she was taking Gerald to the nursing home for him to ‘check in’…

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