In a fit of serendipity, this week’s FF prompt fits so well with one of the InMon prompts that I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to combine them. Thanks to Roger for the picture too.
Once again, after the story, there’s a copy of the pre-edit version with a few notes about the changes. As ever, I’d love to see your comments and critiques, and any thoughts on the choice of genre in the heading.
(NOTES IN MY DEFENCE: Double bass is more words than cello; the boys are old enough to know about cellos but probably not double basses; the picture is an inspiration only … and they definitely aren’t guitars!)
Jokes – Mainstream Fiction
“So, there’s two cellos, right?”
“Right.”
“And one cello says to the other, ‘I’ve got one broken string!’” Pause. “You geddit?”
“It’s not a joke.”
“’Tis!”
“You’ve got one broken string. You’re one string short of a cello!” Matty laughs, and I find myself chuckling too. It’s not a bad joke and he’s right that Luke’s made-up one sucked.
“You don’t even know what a cello is,” Luke throws back. “You thought it was a guitar!”
We’ll have to step in soon, but just for this moment my husband and I share a secret smile, oddly proud of our boys.
Version 1:
“So, there’s two cellos, right?”
“Right.”
“And the one cello says to the other, ‘I’ve got one broken string!’” Pause. “You get it?” [many of the cuts were to remove words as draft 1 was 126. However, I also thought this conversation between two boys should have more casual language, hence the contractions]
“It’s not a joke. There’s nothing funny about that.” [tautology, and a good way to cut words!]
“Tis!”
“You’ve got one broken string. One string short of a cello, that’s you!” He laughs ,[I felt both boys needed names in their mother’s head, rather than ages.] a little cruelly [I wanted to reduce the temperature a bit. The boys are arguing, but they are not being nasty to each other], but I find myself chuckling too. It’s not a bad joke for a ten year old and he’s right that Luke’s made up one didn’t work.
“You don’t even know what a cello is,” Luke snipes back. “You thought it was a guitar!”
We will have to step in soon, separate them before it gets nasty. But just for this moment, my husband and I share a secret smile, oddly proud of our boys.
elmowrites 