This week’s picture from Madison is beautiful, but it wasn’t easy to write about. At least not for me. So I branched out, a little, as you’ll see below. The hardest part for me was the title this time. I’m still not happy with it, so I might come back and change it later – any comments or suggestions welcome – whether they are about the title or anything else.
UPDATE: Sandra’s helped me with a new title. What do you think?
Ragondin
Mother says not to watch it, but it is insistent: each one silently growing, then suddenly breaking off. It seems to shrink in the air. It lands with a gentle plink, and melds with all the others before it, in the rising waters of our burrow.
There is a rumour that this is how we will be. That we are growing silently stronger and one day we will have to leave Mother’s warm embrace, to join the world outside with no more than a plink of goodbye. But I watch the waters rise and wonder if we’ll be big enough.
elmowrites 
I like the repetition of ‘plink’ and the metaphor and description of breaking off “with no more than a plink of goodbye”. This is a lovely idea, on the whole, and the voice is so romantic about it.
Thanks littlewonder, I’m glad the romance caught you too!
Beautifully written from a different point of view. Here is mine: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/fridayfictioneers-diamond-tear-drops/
It was certainly a break from the norm for me – i’m not used to being non-human!
romantic i would say. :). makes me think of baby ducks
aww, ducks. I was thinking slightly furrier, maybe voles or something. But whatever works for you. thanks for stopping by!
A nice metaphor for “leaving the nest” as it were, works really well and, as others have said, has a very romantic feel to it.
Mine is this-a-way:
http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/fridayfictioneers-death-will-be-our-saviour/
Thanks Gary, I wanted to convey the fear and trepidation without getting too dark and dreary. This time, anyway!
Awww, this is so nice. The voice is just right for a young creature, vole I see from the tags and the image of him/her anxiously watching the drops and the waters rising. And I loved the ‘plink’ too. I think the title doesn’t add anything to it, though I don’t readily have an alternative to suggest.
Thanks Sandra, I’m glad the story worked for you. I agree about the title – needs work but the more I think about it the less ideas I have! Yes, I was thinking of a vole, although any burrowing creature would do, I suppose.
You could use the Coypu, or Ragondin as it’s known in France, generally hunted and reviled in France, because of burrowing bank structures and crop damage. Ragondin might be a nice title 🙂
I love it! Ragondin it is! Thanks Sandra, your knowledge of French fauna has come to the rescue!
Here’s a bit of background information 🙂 http://www.everydaypoets.com/monsieur-ragondin-by-sandra-crook/
Yes, I am with the others. An adorable tale, well crafted and that no more than a plink of goodbye line is a great touch.
Maturity is a dull title, although it definitely defines what is happening, perhaps: “Drop by Drop”?
I’m glad the plink of goodbye worked for you, Lindaura; I had a devil of a time keeping it in with the word count, but I liked it. The title, I agree, is dull. Not sure if drop by drop is a bit water-focused though, I didn’t want people to get dragged into the vole’s fears about the rising water too much.
I really really liked this one. Nice voice, too. and for a moment I actually pictured spaceships leaving earth to the beyond, but you pulled me back. LOL. Very nice read!
MIne’s at for those who havent seen it yet:http://bit.ly/HNJYyQ
haha, spaceships eh? That’s certainly different from what I pictured, but maybe the metaphor is strong for a lot of species, including humanity. Thanks for your comment, Stacy
that’s the best that i’ve read all day. nicely done.
wow, I’m delighted. Thanks Rich
I love it. Wistful wonder is what comes to mind.
mine: http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/flash-fiction-friday/
wistful wonder – that’s probably a better title than I’ve got, even if you didn’t intend it! Thank you!
Clever POV. Reminds me of a sh. story I wrote a long time ago about the last leaf on a tree.. Love the word “plink” … using it twice worked.. Here’s mine: http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
Thanks Lora. I bet your leaf story was evocative too. and I’m pleased that plink worked so well, there are so many words for dripping water, aren’t there?!
I liked this story. Made me thoughtful and that’s good. Leaving home is like that. Unless of course you’re part of my family and you have a mother who struggles to let her kids go. That’s just my house though.
My attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/water-the-earth/
yeah, leaving home is tough. Sometimes tougher on the parents. I’m glad it made you thoughtful.
Nicely put. The innocence and ignorance of youth. There is also innocence and ignorance of the aged, but this is often overlooked.
http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/
I’m sure there is, JK. My novel, Who is Eric deals much more with the senior end of the scale, but I find youth a fascinating subject to deal with in these little pieces.
It worked for me. I’m with Gary, and saw it as a “leaving the nest” metaphor. Nice job
http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/
Indeed, Russell. Leaving the nest was a big influence for me. I wanted to show the little one’s nervousness and anticipation.
I’m loving the quantity and quality of anthropomorphic tales this week. Very well done.
For once, mine is NOT anthropomorphic: http://wp.me/p24aJS-3Z
I’m glad you approved, Lupus. I felt a lot of nature in this picture – I couldn’t use my usual human characters so I fell back on a bit of anthropomorphism! I love animal characters anyway.
Nice POV.
Thanks Jean
Lovely 🙂 The writing has a gentle wistful quality about it.
Here’s mine
http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/flash-fiction-story-2-for-fridayfictioneers-flashfiction
Thank you, tollykit, I’m glad you liked it. I put DarkElmo back in her box today
Very cute and sweet. Really liked this a lot and has a lovely voice. Good work 🙂
Thanks for your kind words, Emma. I’m delighted by the popularity of this little guy!
I love the unknown of the creature and that POV…and the use of “plink”…you created something so beautifully romantic with so little really known…thanks for your comments on my writing…I always value input, and yours was helpful. Kris
Glad to help, Kris. I enjoy the commenting almos t as much as the writing. Almost.
The mystic of the wondering,..what will happen? Nicely staged.
Here’s mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/04/20/friday-fictioneer-5/
Thanks tesch, it’s a bit of a metaphor. The fear of growing up and leaving home is a big deal for a little guy!
i was thinking even more inanimate, that the water drops themselves were the children growing until they break off, plink, into drops that flow away.
Nice little piece
Thanks Carrie, I’m glad you liked it. I think the little guy was certainly seeing his own hopes and fears in those droplets.
I got the impression of little mice or such peeking out at this big, wide world all reduced to the complexity/simplicity of water drops to explain it. Nice!
That’s exactly where I was going, Jeffrey, I’m delighted it worked for you. Thanks for stopping by!
I had to look “Ragondin” up. Very different and interesting take on the prompt..
Loved this phrase – “but it is insistent: each one silently growing, then suddenly breaking off” and loved the use of “plink”.
Very good job with the prompt!
Parul
Thanks Parul, I have to admit Ragondin was new to me too, (thanks Sandra) but it seemed a prettier title than anything I could come up with.
I really love your characters. I enjoyed that the description made it clear that the creature was only just learning about the world. You said a lot with very few words.
Mine, late as it is, is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/04/21/flash-friday-fiction-8/
thank you Erin, i’m so glad you enjoyed it. I’ll stop by and have a look at your later!
Ragondin was an evocative piece whose words sounded a somber tone. i read it once a day ago and realized i needed sleep. Now, after revisiting it, I am struck by the inner music of this work. One of the more mysterious and compelling stories I’ve had the pleasure to read this long weekend.
Aloha,
Doug
Thanks Doug, “inner music” strikes me as a great compliment – it’s not something I strive for of itself, but sometimes I feel like the words capture the tone better than others, and I guess that is a less elegant way of describing the same thing. I’m glad you liked my little Ragondin!
Doug is right – this piece has lovely inner music. My favorite was the imagery of the drops “shrinking in the air” – you are absolutely right! Beautifully done!
You and Doug have made my morning, KB. Thank you. It’s true about water droplets – I guess letting go makes them shrink back, like a rodent leaving the nest and suddenly realising how big the world is out there!
Plink, plink plink. Stuck in my head now, and I’ll probably get it in my head again when I wonder if I’ll be big enough. Wonderful post. Thanks!
It’s not an easy step to take, Robert, but it usually leads to great things! thanks for stopping by and commenting
I love that ‘plink of a goodbye’ line most. a very touching story that captured both the fear of growing up and of not ever getting there at all.
Thanks Madison, I fought hard in the editing process to keep the plink of goodbye, and I’m glad the story resonated with you.
I like how your writing captures so much in a very small moment. The rising waters, drop by drop, remind me of how growing up sneaks up on you.
Seems like maybe it sneaks up on the parents too – or maybe Mother’s awareness was why she didn’t want the little guy to look. Thanks for your comment, gloss
I could really identify. Great imagery.
Thank you Sheila! Where’s your link?
Very tender piece. Had to look up Ragondin but that’s okay, the context insinuated everything I needed to know.
Yeah – Ragondin was an after-thought as you may have seen, but it’s a cute title and hopefully even without it you get a feel for the kind of creature he is.
Nice piece… I’m thinking an otter baby or some water creature getting ready to leave the nest… er, burrow.
http://tedstrutz.com/2012/04/20/flash-friday-fictioneers-drip-drop-drip/
Cool, thanks for your comment Ted.
I’m going to be honest and admit I had no idea what ‘Plink’ and ‘meld’ meant. So, I looked it up and then the entire story made more sense to me. I’m thinking the story is about an animal? “To join the world outside” was a great touch. I’m seven months pregnant so it made me a little sad when I read that part. Great Job! I want to read more!!
Plink is just onomatopaeia (I can’t spell that, it’s probably wrong) for the sound the water makes, but meld is a cool word and underused, I feel! I’m sure your little guy would be excited and never about the outside world too, but I’m sure you won’t be letting him go the way a rodent mother has to! Good luck.
I thought this was an interesting story from a different point of view. What I liked was the joy of the small animal narrator (beaver?) with the world around him balanced with the desire to stay with his mother.
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